Being empathetic is simply putting yourself in the other person's shoes. It is "the ability to feel what someone else is feeling." Empathy and Emotional Intelligence work together to produce long-lasting relationships. It is therefore not surprising that these two are the basic ingredients needed in order to have trust in whatever relationship you have, whether it is a professional relationship, a personal relationship or a societal relationship (for example, between a government and the citizens).
Is your pregnant or menopausal wife cranky? Try and imagine how hard it is to be in her condition. Is your teenage child rude and moody? Try and remember what it was like being a teenager - the uncertainty, the bodily changes, the being stuck in-between being a child and an adult. Is your elderly parent acting crazy? Try and imagine what it must be like to not be able to do the things you used to do so easily when you were younger.
It is quite possible to increase your level of empathy. In order to do this, you will need two main ingredients namely action and intention. The latter requires you to open your heart to other people. The former requires you to do corresponding actions. For example, you can donate your time or money towards the people around you who are going through a hard time. Sometimes, even just smiling can go a long way to show people that you have some empathy. You could also give a genuine greeting, compliment or word of encouragement.
To a certain extent, empathy is connected to whatever experiences that you have gone through. According to eqi.org: "the person who has actually experienced the widest range and variety of feelings, the great depths of depression and the heights of fulfillment, for example, is the one who is most able to empathize with the greatest number of people from all walks of life. On the other hand, when we say that someone "can't relate" to other people, it is likely because they haven't experienced, acknowledged or accepted many feelings of their own." However, this does not mean that just because you have not experienced a certain feeling that you will not be able to empathize with someone. As the example below will show, you can empathize with anyone, even people who have gone through experiences that you have not gone through yourself.
Richard Carlson worked with a couple who had spent the most part of their marriage arguing about money. The husband could not fathom why his wife wanted to save every penny. The wife in turn could not understand why her husband was spending so much of their money.
The tide turned when both of them understood where the other was coming from. The husband learned that his wife was an avid saver because she wanted to avoid what she saw happen to her parents - financial ruin. The wife learned that her husband was rather ashamed that he was not able to provide for his wife the way he saw his own father providing for his mother. In a nutshell, the wife was scared of being broke while the husband was scared of disappointing his wife.
Once they both understood the reasons behind the seemingly offensive actions, they were more empathetic towards each other. The conflict was resolved and they were able to obtain a healthy balance between saving and spending.
Empathy is what allows you to understand deeply what someone else is feeling. It is "the patient exploration of the other's person's thoughts, feelings, and emotions. Thus, empathy goes a long way in creating the right environment that will allow you to connect with whoever you have empathized with.
Read more articles on relationship related issues. Patricia Larson RN BSN
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